Borderline syndrome in a partnership

In principle, people with borderline syndrome are and are able to enter into a partnership rarely unrelated for long periods of time. Even if there is often talk of a Borderliner's inability to have a relationship, this is not correct. Still, relationships with borderliners are not easy.

It is often a problem that those affected sometimes show reactions that do not fit the situation and are incomprehensible to healthy people. People with borderline syndrome tend to start their partnership Idealize partner and yourself to bind very closely to him / her.
It is often reported that the partnerships extremely emotional at first and borderliners are quite capable of meeting their partner very loving. But often the focus is also on panic fearto be abandoned and they cling to the partnership by all means.

Usually so far that one of the partners is almost there give up one's self has to and always withdraws and withdraws further and further from friends and a life outside of the relationship. Borderliners have poor to no self-confidence and self-esteem and are mainly defined by the relationship. The other should fill in the emptiness that they often feel in themselves. Often there are also those extreme reactions and the Instability in their emotional world.

As much as the partner is adored in one moment, so much he can be hated in the next. This instability is often difficult to understand for many people who do not suffer from this personality disorder. And that's why this always leads to separations.

Nevertheless, especially in the early days, relationships are often very fulfilling, as borderliners adventurous and active and develop a very keen sense of the partner's needs.

It is often said that you just don't get bored. At the beginning of a relationship everything is new and interesting, real Problems often arise laterwhen the relationship solidifies and the initial passion gives way to routine and solidity.
Later, the skills come more and more Compromise finding and Structuring everyday life in the foreground, which borderliners find it difficult to cope with. The everyday life and obligations that come with a long-term relationship are often too boring for people with borderline syndrome, and they often have the feeling of wanting to destroy the whole thing. Due to their personality disorder, most borderliners have already had some very painful breakups and are terrified of going through them again. Result from it very early separationsby which they want to prevent that the bond with the partner becomes too great and they could be hurt so enormously again.

Conversely, it is often the case that if a partner wants to separate from his partner who suffers from the borderline syndrome, the borderliner goes with it Suicide and self-harm threatened. This is exactly what often causes partners to have their give up your own identity and, fearing their partner's reaction, continue to tolerate the relationship until they may suffer from mental illness themselves. Borderliners are often afraid of closeness and fear of being alone, which makes it very difficult for both parties.

Because borderline disorder is a disorder of identity and personality, and the sick often no boundaries between yourself and your partner or see another second person, these are often exceeded. Borderliners have a hard time seeing where the needs of the other begin and its resilience ceases.
Therefore it is important that the partners who do not suffer from the borderline disorder Set limits. It is important here that these are set right at the beginning and not only when the suffering becomes too great. The fact that the borderliner often projects onto the partner those feelings for which he himself has too few defense mechanisms, which one would normally need to deal with feelings such as fear, sadness, disappointment or inner emptiness, often leads to the fact that these are projected onto the partnerto say so as a last resort. Now it is up to the partner to come to terms with the feelings that he now carries within himself.

Unfortunately, brute force often occurs in a partnership between a person with borderline disorder and a healthy person. Often in healthy women, caused by borderliners. The reasons for those violent outbreaks are those Inability to control impulses and the high Aggression potential, both of which are associated with a borderline disorder.

However, by toleration one does not help anyone. Neither yourself nor the borderliner, as therapeutic treatment would be important and this is applied very late. A borderline disorder very often also includes the Self harmwhich can be a real test, especially for the partner without interference. For the relatives it is usually completely incomprehensible how the borderliner can injure himself and It is not uncommon for partners in particular to blame themselves.

But nobody is to blame for the behavior of the borderliner, but since the behavior of the partner or the previous situation is often the trigger for self-harm, it is often difficult to convey to relatives that they are not the cause of everything and are not to blame the disorder, but the situation can only be the impetus for the self-harm that would arise sooner or later anyway.

Also, loved ones often feel too little included in the soul of the borderliner and feel sad or angry and feel neglected and neglected when self-harm comes into play. Unfortunately, it is often seen as a breach of trust when people with borderline disorders injure themselves.

It is important that the relatives feel as good as they can distanced from these acts. It is important to be aware of the partner's problems, but not to blame yourself and to realize that you cannot help, but for it professional help is needed. Self-harm is always an expression of the victim Struggling hard with yourself inside and through self-harm you can bring yourself back to reality and feel yourself again.

One should be the partner never blame for what he does, but concentrate on yourself, listen to yourself and Warning sign of overloading your own soul never disregard and not overlook. It is often good to talk to a therapist about your feelings and have a "Contingency plan“To be worked out for yourself so that the next time the borderliner harms himself, you can no longer face the situation so helplessly and calmly.

People with borderline disorder have one high risk of suicide (Suicide). This is undoubtedly an enormous burden on the partner. They also often threaten to kill themselves if the partner ends the relationship. This will be Relatives under enormous pressure and this often causes great mental overload on the partner. But even without threatening the partner, suicide is an omnipresent topic for most borderliners.

Not all of them end up killing themselves when they think about ending their life and suffering. However, there is always a great risk and statements in this direction or corresponding behavior should never be taken lightly. Basically, suicide, trying to commit suicide or just talking about it is a matter of course The victim's cry for help.

There are a few important points that you should definitely pay attention to. Especially when the partner speaks repeatedly or even once about suicide or begins to identify with people who have died of suicide and often people who want to kill themselves begin to give away things, to dissolve savings accounts, to add important things regulate or they stop doing things that they have previously enjoyed.

It is important that relatives who perceive such changes Get active and realize that now professional help and an inpatient stay in the hospital are inevitable and act accordingly and make it clear to the borderliner that he needs help. But it is always important that you don't do all of this behind the borderliner's back, but always talk openly with him about his suicidality.